Super-Wuss?

I’ll admit it: sometimes I enjoy reading Front Page. It is just so venomous and hate filled, it provides me with a good laugh the same way most Indymedia sites do.

But my God, they find the most ridiculous things to get upset about! Just the other day, they posted a review for the new Superman movie. It went a little like this…

“Instead, we got a dumbed down, girlie-man version of Superman in "Superman Returns." Like every sensitive, slacker metrosexual, Supe's gone off for five years to "discover himself." In the meantime, the dullest Lois Lane ever has a child out of wedlock. Nice message to send to your kids who will be begging to see this. No smoking lectures by Superman and plugs for tofu sandwiches got a lot of play though. Script-writers were more concerned with that kind of health than the splendid problems single motherhood brings.”

Now, I have not seen the movie yet. I figure I will check it out this coming weekend. Yet something tells me that the film will not be an exercise in leftist brainwashing. I figure Superman will save the world a few times and bring hope back to its people. Lots of flashy special effects will be presented, and it will be a nice fun ride of a film.

But who knows, maybe Supes will spend most of the film getting his hair done and dancing to Euro-Pop. Maybe Lois Lane will shag Jimmie Olsen and half of the Justice League, all while throwing her personal support behind the Earth Liberation Front and advocating an end to superhuman patriarchy. I mean, why is Superman’s sister called Supergirl? She should be called Superwomyn! Hawkman will complain about global warming, and Robin will become a heroin addict. Most of the Justice league will subsequently get an STD. The entire cast will then learn that all evil in the world is coming from, dum-daba-dum, George Bush! Superman and Howard Dean team up, and make quick work of the villain. The film ends with everyone enjoying organic tofu sandwiches.

Now that I think about it, that does sound like a good movie!

(That classic cover is from the very funny SuperDickery website.)