2008: Zany Third Parties!

You wouldn’t know it by the level of campaigning currently going on in the States, but the 2008 Presidential election is more than a year away. Many of us in the blog sphere are familiar with the candidates running for the two main political parties, but how about the third and fringe parties? In the next few days, I will take a brief look at some of these political parties as well as their previous and current campaigns for the White House.

Let’s first take a look at a few parties of “the right.”

The Constitution Party

Ah, the good ol “Constitution” Party. The party that wants a Bible-based platform and claims to advocate a restoration of American jurisprudence to its “original Biblical common-law foundations." This party attracts all the hard core conservatives who want to see a flat tax and a Christian theocracy.

Oddly enough, the parties' principles do represent a sizeable portion of the United States citizenry, so I don’t really put these oddballs on the same page as other right wing extremists. If the Republican Party nominates Giuliani, I can see these folks picking up a decent number of protest votes, so that has to mean something. I don't know what that something is, but you know...something.

The Party has yet to pick a definitive candidate, but there are a few notable folks vying for it.



Don Grundmann – “Take the red pill!” Yep, the guy uses Matrix imagery on his campaign website…and he really doesn’t like Al Sharpton. Don is a chiropractor by profession, but Christian fundi by design. He also picked up some media attention for protesting Queer Youth Day in Sacramento. Lord knows we need some guy who likes protesting to get his name in the papers as President!



Diane Bell Templin – Her 2004 campaign website states she opposes America’s involvement in any organization that “in any way infringes upon the sovereignty of the United States and its citizens.” (Translation – “Those evil world governments like the United Nations will take your guns, spit on the Bible, and make you into homosexuals!”)

The Prohibition Party

Remember when the United States banned the sale of alcoholic beverages? Man, those were good times! As far as I can remember, that great piece of government stupidity worked splendidly!

Well, you may be surprised to know that the Prohibition movement is still out there trying to take away your God given right to get trashed! Thanks to the Prohibition Parties’ persistence in getting booze off the menu, they are the third longest lived party after the Democrats and Republicans operating in the United States.



Earl Dodge – The Prohibition Parties perennial candidate of choice, my man Earl has ran for the Presidency a whopping 5 times, and is up for the parties’ nomination in 2008. In 2004, Earl lost the nomination when the party experienced a schism, and its 3 active members can no longer carpool on the way to their weekly meetings.

The parties’ website has a “Temperance and Prohibition” trivia section which includes this interesting nugget.

“The early Bolsheviks were ardent drys and enacted national prohibition in Russia.”
I sure hope the other parties compare themselves to the Bolsheviks on their campaign websites. When hasn’t that worked in getting voter support?

Earl may have only picked up 104 votes in the 2004 election, but I think 2008 is going to be his year. Alcohol is great and all, but I think Americans are pretty tired of having fun. It is about time we stopped our frat boy ways, settled down, and bought a house in the suburbs.