Maoist Videogame Reviews

Oh, those American Maoists…they really are the most hilarious and retarded Communist grouping left about. Just take a look at the Maoist International Movement. Not only do they support one of the most terrible murderers in human history, they also write movie, music and videogame reviews. No, I am not kidding about that last point; these Maoists actually review videogames! And they do it without a shred of irony! It’s like reading a version of the People’s Cube from people who aren’t in on the joke.

Here are just a few highlights from the countless number of game reviews they have available at their website. Many thanks to Jams from the Poor Mouth for reminding me how dim-witted the MIM is.

Red Alert

“The game's portrayal of Josef Stalin is a laughable caricature. He's a paranoid, anger-prone, spoiled dictator who has underlings killed at a whim and sleeps with his female intelligence officer.”

I don’t know about that intelligence officer aspect, but the paranoid angry dictator part seems spot on to me!

War!

“In "War!", the more "Westernized" the country, the fewer the natives that fight the invaders. That view fits in with the Christian idea that their religion is superior to that of others and needs to be exported through Western culture.

We communists always accept the superior and discard the inferior. That's what any progressive does. Since the united $tates has the world's highest imprisonment rate and England the highest in Europe, we may discard Western ideas of "freedom" quite safely.”

As opposed to the beautiful utopia Mao brought about that killed millions of people, the West and its law and order that holds people accountable for their actions is truly monstrous!

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

“It is far easier to use your powers to steal, than to do charity. The game is far easier if you "go capitalistic," which clearly points to early indoctrination conspiracy by the fascists.”

Those damn Jedi Knights….I knew they were nothing but bourgeois pigs! Long live the separatists!

The Political Machine

“Despite its bourgeois assumptions, "The Political Machine" may be of some use to younger game players, because it contains some basic notions of what political opportunism is. For example, a player may notice that the computer-generated opponent attacks from both sides of each issue, just depending on which state the candidate is in. The whole game is poll-driven, so if a player wants to win in a certain state, s/he has to find something appealing to that state's residents, based on what they already think.”

Maoists don’t really care what the people think, so what do they need polls for? They know what is right, and it’s the camps for all you reactionary slobs!

Knights of Honor

“Amerikans are accusing the rest of the world of terrorism lately. Yet Ubisoft is a San Francisco company and Microsoft is up near Seattle. The tragedy is not just that these are mainstream companies producing softwares celebrating genocide, but also they went to the programming trouble to come up with something complex.”

Now that I know that game programmers producing a historical based videogames are also guilty of genocide, I am off to join the Maoist International Movement. They seem to be a well rounded and reasonable group, other than all the stupid things they believe and do. Maybe they should invest more time trying to find girlfriends, and less playing games and selling worthless Maoist newspapers.